392. A SECOND CHANCE IN LIFE

11:43:00 AM


While I'm writing this I'm on my new Macbook and currently just home from the hospital. I had the results of all the tests they did the last month. And as the post where I explained in detail how I felt, what I've been through and what was going on, was read so many times (read it again here), I decided to continue to tell and share my story with you. There were also quite a lot of supportive reactions and people that could relate to it. This is the perfect moment to thank you all again for the sweet messages and love you've been sending me since than. But know that I'm not only doing this for me and that I'm also sharing the stories as I know it might help others. However some will never understand what it feels like or what it really is to go through these kind of feelings or pain and that's okay. They don't need to understand as it's my own journey. 

So the last weeks I've been in and out the hospital to do the last tests. A Cryptotetanie, Magnesium and another blood test excluded the Spasmophilia for good. The other part was going to the psychologist (the doctor from the physical department send me to him). I've shared with him the same story as in the other post (and ofcourse other related stories) and he concluded that it's not in between my ears, already a good thing. Cause there's nothing as worse than hearing that there's nothing found, that I'm imagining it and that they can't help me. The other thing is that I don't believe in psychologists and the last time I've seen one during the burn out last year made me felt like I was in a Sex and the City kind of movie. But he said that if the mind will get rest and the pain in my muscles will be resolved, that I will be back on track. So in a few words: there's a disease but also a mental stress and weight that needs to be treated to completely recover. And I agree. I've been through enough the last years that it probably weighted more on my body than I realized... So dear psychologist, I will give it another shot, but just because your assistant was pretty cute. Haha! No seriously, I'm opening up to the idea as long as it will help me recover.

But that doesn't explain the muscle pain, fatigue and constant headache which I have from the morning till the evening. I needed an answer for these symptoms today and couldn't wait any other day longer. Google became my new Doctor to find a diagnose (don't lie, you do consult the Google Doctor sometimes as well!) and I already diagnosed myself with Fibromyalgia. Other people though believed it was still a burn out and that I looked 'too good' to be sick. Like really?! It's not because I don't have scars or that I'm not with my arm or leg in a plaster, that there's nothing going on inside of me. The smile on my face is sometimes a wall to not burst out in tears from the pain. And thank God make up exists to make us all look pretty. I'm sure the day they will go through these constant muscles pain over their whole body that they will realize the real battle it can be, but I don't wish anyone, neither my biggest enemy, to go through this. Those who are in perfect health should be blessed. It's actually since I'm going through this that I realized the true meaning behind 'I wish you all the best for the new year with lots of love and a good health'. 'Cause you only have one body and you live only once. Listen to it when necessary I say know, even though it's easier said than done.

They finally diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, so doctor Google and my intuition were right. It's a muscle disease which has symptoms just as I have. You can find loads of informations on Google about it, but there will be shared more informations on the blog later. Luckily the doctor and psychologist are both specialized in this disease and can start a treatment to make me feel better. However it's 3days a week that I need to spend in the hospital, but right now I will just do anything which is necessary to be back to the old me full of joy, energy and laughters. At the same time I have my new Macbook that will help me to blog from a distance! Hooray.

That's not all. To be finally diagnosed and have an answer on the daily battles I've been through is a true blessing. From now on I will take time for all the things that make me happy and for the people that enriches my life. To know that there's a treatment that will help me to have my old life back (even though it will never cure me for 100%) is a second chance in life that I will take with my both hands. I'm ready to make changes and to start all over again. Also with some medical brands and lifestyle collaborations I will share how it is to live with Fibromyalgia and what you can do to reduce the symptoms. All of that to help others as well that fight the same battle as I do. 

If you have a similar story or want to talk about it, please contact me or write a comment! We're all strong and even stronger together.

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7 comments

  1. I'm happy that you finally know what it is and my intuition was also right on this one. If you want I'll put you in contact with Liesje, she has been diagnosed the same last year. It's not nice to hear you have a 'disease' but at least now you know and you can start treating it. Good luck!xxx

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  2. I know how you feel babe <3 thanks for sharing your story!!

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  3. You can do this girl! Ik ben zo blij voor je dat je eindelijk een antwoord hebt! Lots of love!

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  4. Respect Cindy. I know what it feels like when you're feeling like shit and everybody says: girl you look amazing today. They probably mean it well but for you it's like (for me it was) like sinking in a sinkhole and not getting out. I'm still living with the side effects from my tumor but I've learned that you cannot stop doing what you love. Still chase your dreams, now more than ever! Don't be afraid to ask for help.

    If you ever need a talk, pls let me know. Our diagnoses might not.m be similar and the way you feel will be different too but maybe a talk with a fellow 'sick' lady can help too.
    Stay strong! Love x

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  5. Wauw, wat een verhaal! Sinds kort volg ik je op Instagram en met veel bewondering kijk ik naar je posts en verhaal (sorrynotsorry for stalking..) want wat een powerwoman ben je. Iemand om een voorbeeld aan te nemen. Geen enkel idee had ik dat er achter die powerwoman zoveel pijn schuilde. Het is niet makkelijk om tijdens drukke dagen je geest rustig te houden, daar kan ik over meespreken. Maar met een aandoening die je ook nog eens fysiek doet afzien, is het al helemaal een chaos. Het is enorm dapper hoe jij je daar zo sterk bij houdt. Ik wens je veel beterschap toe en veel sterke. Ik hoop dat je nog heel lang kan doen wat je graag doet (en goed doet). Maar ik hoop nog meer dat je iets/iemand hebt of vindt in je leven die je hoofd kan leegmaken en dikke vette smile op je gezicht brengt. :-)
    - One of your many loving followers

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  6. Hey Cindy, ik heb jouw 'verhaal' een beetje gevolgd via facebook. Ik had bij jouw eerste post ook al een klein vermoeden dat er fybromylangie in het spel was. Een directe collega van mij zit op dit moment ook thuis met dezelfde symptomen, en is sinds februari gestart met een experimentele behandeling en voorlopig ziet alles er rooskleurig (voor zover dat dat kan rooskleurig zijn) uit voor haar en haar gezondheid! Ze weet dat ze niet meer de oude zal zijn, maar ze leert ermee leven, en zit véél beter in haar vel dan vroeger. Ik wens je alvast hetzelfde toe, en hoop dat je binnenkort beter in je vel zit dan ooit. Met of zonder fybromylangie!

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  7. Ik wens je ontzettend veel kracht Cindy! Jij bent zo sterk alleen al hoe je in het leven staat, ik weet seker dat he hier sterker uitkomt dan ooit te voren!!
    Send you a lots of love from the Netherlands ❤️❤️❤️

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