371. FIVE DAYS LATER
7:20:00 AM
We're almost a week further since I've decided to stay home and finally face the burnout. And first of all I want to thank you; my readers, closest friends and family for showing the support and all the sweet messages you've all sended me.
As I realise that more and more people can relate to certain stories, I decided to hold like a little burnout-dairy. Not only for you guys to know how I'm doing, also do support people in the same situation and for myself. Myself? Yes, it's quite important for me to let my heart speak in order to help myself. It might sound crazy, but right now I literally do everything that makes me feel a little better.
"I'm out with lanterns, looking for myself."
The first days were going so well, after sleeping every day 'till the afternoon, that I thought to be okay after already a week of rest. But the most unpredictable things might happen while facing this burnout. I've learned that last year and realising it again right now. What I exactly mean for example? So as I said; the first days went great. I had energy, cleaned up the house a little bit and watched one movie after another, eating well etc. On thursday I decided to leave the house, get a walk with and have lunch my mom to have some quality time as well and to change my mind. But than I came home, had pain in every single part of my body and crashed into the couch. I seriously only went out for a walk. My body shutted down 'till today. I feel like crying once or three times, or actually do, still without any reason. Raising up my arms, moving my head to the left or right is a torture and climbing up the stairs to my bathroom or bedroom is a marathon. I really don't know until which day I will feel like this, but believe me that I wanted it to be over since the it started.
I also had a few people asking me; "Like how are you sure that you're going through a burnout?" - "How does it feel being in it?". Well lovelies, I know you don't ask me that with bad intentions and some of you are just trying to understand it a bit more. And that's also exactly why I will start this diary. For those who would like to understand the symptoms and the story.
But there is not only the physical aspect. Since this 'breakdown' I'm also facing the mental part. I've never felt as insecure as the last couple of days. And I'm not only talking about my body ('cause I know that eating all those donuts and cupcakes aren't really helping, lol), but every kind of subject you can think about: feeling lonely, being scared about the future, the "what if?" and "should have" questions,... Think about something and I've probably broke my brains over it for a couple of hours. Even things that never, even, bothered me before the burnout.
So I'm not yet to the second part of recovering. First I need to have my body back to normal; no pain, no headaches like now and having back my normal sleep rhythm. Than it's only time for the next chapter. The way to finding myself back and be secure again in everything I feel and do. And I might start to realise that it won't be fixed over a week. That's probably why the insecurity is popping up as well... Time will tell, my head and body will tell me as well.
1 comments
Time will tell indeed! Veel succes en vooral veel beterschap! Laat jezelf maar goed verwennen ;-)
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